At singles mixers because there are so many men, it cheapens them

I appreciate what you say about the experiences from the female perspective. But I can’t help wondering why our experiences are so different? At all the events and outings I’ve undertaken, all the women have been swarmed by continuously rotating clutches of men. even the unattractive ladies get plenty of attention. I do know what you mean about going to the events and not actually mixing. I’ve certainly observed it and sometimes been guilty of it myself. Sometimes I’ll just pay attention and listen to what’s going on with the group. I don’t think anybody is capable of always being on. Still I’ll often approach and initiate conversations when something occurs to me. Sometimes the conversation will go on organically; other times I’ll struggle to keep the conversation going and it’s like pulling teeth without anesthesia. I figure if it’s that hard, I can get the hint and I stop torturing us both. Often I’ll approach and the brush off will be chilly to rude. One example that comes to mind when I went up to one of these clutches of men surrounding a couple of women. While I didn’t get the feeling that they were my type and they weren’t at all particularly attractive, there were so few women at the event so I thought I’d keep an open mind and try to get to know them. So after I got my chance to make conversation, the one women briefly acknowledged me with a look and then ignored me completely as she suggested to her companion that they go over and talk to some dudes. Hey no hard feelings, but what happened to good manners? Why are so few curious about getting to know anybody else any deeper? Who knows what kind of interesting ideas or experiences are hiding behind the faces we write off with a brief cold look? in my case now resignation.

So far in these recurring threads we’ve spent plenty of time considering where single men and women go to meet. While Ruth4Truth asserts that the men are usually shy socially stunted creatures that disappoint the women and never confidently approach, many of the men complain about the Seattle Dudes Glut aka Seattle Sausage Fest. The result is that women get overwhelmed by too many pushy guys trying to get their attention so they stop going to these venues and events where they get pestered by a bunch of creeps that don’t interest them. and the sausage fests get even worse. Can it possibly be both?

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I suspect that a lot of women subconsciously «write off» a lot of guys they’ll encounter in situations where there are many of them. Women can’t stand desperation. Single guys going to singles events probably reek of it and women can’t help but perceiving them as losers. Better to have the balls, er. confidence, to approach in a situation without that taint. Women are probably more like headhunters than we wish to believe. Headhunters would rather poach some already successful employed guy than help some unemployed loser get a job he badly needs. For Game Savvy see also preselection.

Ruth4Truth importantly highlights the social skills, which like brains and beauty they are unequally allocated. I admit my game is probably lacking, but it was certainly more than adequate in other situations where I lived. I appreciate the consideration of the social skills. No doubt this would be worth examining more closely. Perhaps in addition to sharing venues about where to meet, our readers will share some success stories about how the first meetings actually went down. As much as we should consider something for like a charm school for all the desperate dudes here, I doubt it would solve all our problems. Even if we upgrade all the men, the demographics still mean that there will be plenty of disappointed dudes. In this town there most certainly isn’t a lid for every pot. And the pots that are here will probably end up with significantly inferior lids than they would if they were in a place with more balanced demographics.

I guess if these ladies have enough options and are getting enough attention and offers, they need to skim the best and not waste any time with the rest

As far as dancing goes, I couldn’t disagree more. Went to a couple events in Seattle. Billed ostensibly as Singles Salsa. Men were more than 3/4 of the crowd. Among the women were a handful of lesbian couples who refused to dance with the men when we all rotated partners (Why the devil did they go to a singles salsa event where you spend the whole time switching dancing partners. ). I paid good money and spent most of the evening trying to have a sense of humor about it while I dance by myself because there weren’t enough women to rotate through the men. I’m not dancing any more. I don’t enjoy it. That ship has sailed. I took dancing for three years in Germany and Poland and suffered salsa hell. Women can have a fine time even if they are lousy dancers if they get a competent enough male lead to schlep them through the moves. Unless they guys are good enough to lead well and with confidence, nobody is having fun. However once they are good, the guys can really clean up because most men never learn to dance well and all the novice women are super excited to dance with them. See this linked graph for explanation. The famous Salsa Hell dance graph — Salsa Dance | Addicted2Salsa